Hi my beautiful readers, today’s blog is going to be a bit different from my others. As you all would have realized I took a break from blogging for a few months. Sometimes life happens and we can’t really do anything about it.
Story time: I lost my mom and sister five years ago in a car accident where a drunk driver crashed into my parents’ car, my dad was the sole surivior. I didn’t know what to think that day. I questioned the presence of a God. I lost faith in everything and I pushed away the people that cared the most for me. I became numb inside. Losing a parent at the tender age of 19 is not something I would wish on my worst enemy. It is tough. I hated the sympathy that people were showing to me. I hated that fact that people approached me who had both parents alive and goes, “oh kavita, we know exactly how you feel!” Oh is that the case? Do you really? Urg nothing got me more annoyed than that.
The first few years were horrible. I had just started university and i was in year 1 when mom passed. My grades went downhill, I pushed everyone away and pretended to be strong infront of the world. I cried myself to sleep for years, eventually crying myself into a depression that I didn’t even know I was in.
This year as I mentioned above, on February 12th will be 5 years since that incident, strange enough I just got the news of my cousin’s death today and this blog post was inspired by her daughter’s questions. It has been 5 years since and I still can’t come to terms with losing my mom. I tried to reassure her that she would get the courage to move on, but i couldn’t come to terms to telling her it will be easier. Because the reality of the situation is, it will never be easier for us. My mom will never be able to take graduation photos with me, she will never see me get married, or even be able to see my future kids. So please do tell me stranger, how you know the feeling that I am experiancing. You don’t so hush. So my dear cousin’s daughter, and more so to any young adult who has lost a parent, yes its tough, we will always have our moments, sometimes our moments may turn into days, or months or even years, but i’m going to tell you today, that it’s ok. You do you! You deal with it in your own way and in your own time.
I can assure you, that you will find that strength and please don’t be numb like me towards the world. It makes a bad sitution so much worse. I have learnt from the later part of 2016 that its ok not be strong all the time, its ok to talk to your family who genuinely care for you. Find that one person you trust, and talk. I assure you, the pain inside of you platos. I’m a living example of this.
I’m not going to sugar coat it, and falsely tell you that everything is going to be easier and you will be back to normal. This isn’t a tv series. We don’t have episodes and seasons. This is the real world, with real people and real emotions. You life will never be the same as it used to be again.You will never be able to hold their hand, or hear there voice or even taste their food. You will never be the same person you were prior to there lost. But try my dear friends to be a stronger, wiser person than you once were. Don’t lose courage. I know you will be hating the world presently. But hold that head up high and use your lost to your benefit,as my “person”, my cousin ,Cindy nicely phrases it, you have your personal guardian angel looking over you.
I miss you so much mom and Vanita! Rip💔💔
PHOTO 1: My mom, Radha rip
PHOTO 2: My sister, Vanita rip